Would God Agree with The Way You Love Yourself?

"Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31).

This is a verse most of us know well. It's used in many contexts to focus our attention on showing kindness and caring for others, which is a worthy thing to do. The focus is often on the first part of the verse, "love your neighbor." However, I tend to look at the last part. As a Psychologist who has counseled many people over the years, I can't help but reflect on the first and last words of this verse "...as yourself."

Would you be happy if you loved others the way you love yourself? If you projected your thoughts about yourself, the judgments you have about your physical appearance or abilities, how you don't forgive yourself, the expectations of yourself, etc., would you feel good that you treated others how you treat yourself? Would you say those same things to someone else? Notice that I didn't ask, "Would you THINK those say things?" No, I'm asking if you would SAY those same things to someone else.

Let me be real. I sometimes have negative thoughts about myself, as we all do. I say things like:

"I don't know what I'm doing."

"I'm not good enough."

"People don't like me."

"I'm a selfish person."

"I can't make everyone happy, so I should just quit."

"I'm messing up my kids."

"I'm not a good wife because __________."

"I'm not a good daughter or sister because __________."

"I should just stay home because I'm running late....again!"

"I'm fat."

"I'm ugly."

"I'm selfish if I say no, even though I can't add more."

Then I have prideful thoughts:

"I know how to do it the right way."

"If they would listen to me, they wouldn't be in this mess."

"I don't need to apologize...I didn't do anything wrong."

Uggg...confession is hard. But confessing to yourself and God about your thoughts and feelings is necessary. Most of us say mean things to ourselves ABOUT ourselves. We have unrealistic expectations and often have little grace for ourselves. I know I'm not the only one with these thoughts because I've had the honor of listening to countless people share their secret thoughts, and they are all similar to mine.

I wonder if God agrees with the negative thoughts about yourself. Does he agree with the thoughts I sometimes have of myself? Would He say, "Well, yes, Melissa, you are right. You are stupid and ugly." Or, "Yes, because you messed up, you should not try again...what would be the point of that?" Or, "Even though I forgave you, you should continue punishing yourself for that thing in the past." Or on the prideful side, would God say, "Actually, sweet daughter, I'm glad you recognize that you know everything. You know how to do all the things in all the right ways. Your lack of humility is awesome!" No, He wouldn't! His words, thoughts, and character do not confirm my negative and prideful thoughts about myself. So, when I read in the New Testament how He perceives me, I don't think he would want me to love others like I "love" myself. My thoughts and judgments about myself are not loving...many times they are just plain mean or rude!

So, to love others well and in the way God intends, I believe we must start loving ourselves well. Let's work on knowing how God thinks about his creation (you!) and what he says about you. Let's work on making God's thoughts our thoughts and loving ourselves as God does. Then, we can project that love onto others as God tells us to do in Mark 12:31.